Wow.. My blog just took off in 2015.
I completely forgot I used to do these. 17 blog posts in total sharing my life like an open wound. It's been 18 Months since my last one. So what's happened in that time?
I graduated from Lincoln.
I moved back home.
I got a job at Game.
I got single.
I dusted.
I got a new Job.
I moved to Peterborough.
I shop in Iceland.
(they are the main things)
Great, you're all caught up.
Now I'm going to take you back, back to the year of 2012, when I looked like this..
A lot of you will probably have heard this story since it's one of the more interesting things that has happened to me.. along with the time I soiled myself and the time a girl completely Rekt me.
Anyway, I'm not really sure about the legal repercussions of using actual names and documents that were used in the case so for the purpose of this blog the name of my ex will be Chloe Buckerby (absolutely no where near her real name) her dad will be called Jeff Buckerby (Very far from his real name).
I need to give you all some back story about this before we get to the actual court case battle and what not.
So I met Chloe the first week of Uni. She was living with my friend Tom from back home (big shout out to Tom who's currently doing stuff in Ethiopia up a mountain). We didn't immediately hit it off, like, I was a very awkward and socially inept 19 year old and she fancied Tom. Anyway, I can't really remember the specifics of why Tom didn't go there but I was a sort of rebound on one of the nights, which was great for me at the time, a Virgin.
Having never had a girlfriend before or anything close, I clinged onto this attention like a fly on a doughnut (I know that's not the saying but I can't imagine a world where a fly would rather be on some shit than a Krispy Kreme). I probably did some right romantic shit and then asked her out. She said Yes..
(Obviously)
And things were, as far as I was concerned, great. (looking back, an obvious crazy sign was that she didn't like cheese.. yup)
Fast forward to January 2013. Things are still good, not as great as they were, but I'm still invested. She's pretty hot.
Her family are planning a holiday for the summer and talks about Florida are up in the air. Chloe wants me to come but I'm not in the sort of position where I can pay for food from Sainsbury's let alone a trip to Florida. So I decline. Chloe must have gone running to her parents anyway as soon they offer to pay for me to go with them, I let them know that I'm grateful but wouldn't be able to pay them back and they are fine with that, it's a gift.
Florida gets changed to some tour around Europe on a train and it's planned for August 2013
It's May 2013. It's now not good. She's a jealous wreck, clingy as fuck and we have to spend every weekend around her parents when all I want to do is get drunk and play FIFA 13 with my flatmates.
Now that may seem like I'm being harsh but this girl genuinely went psycho. Here are my top 3 crazy moments from her.
1. She was so jealous that she had a go at me for watching Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 2 without her. I did her a solid as far as I'm concerned! It just wasn't a great film.
2. She didn't want me to watch Game of Thrones by myself because of all the naked women in there. Apparently I might fancy them more than her which scared her. I mean, Natalie Dormer would be fantastic but let's face it, it's not going to happen is it Chloe.
3. I was directing a short film for University (which you can watch by clicking here.. It's good.. well.. it's okay.. ) that I wrote for our final year project. I was with my group (shoutout to group BJ) filming in the university library. Anyway, I get a phone call from Chloe and she starts having a go at me down the phone, the conversation went a little like this:
"Where are you?"
"What do you mean, where am I? I'm in the library shooting this film, I told you earlier"
"Well I was just in the library, and you're not there, where are you?!"
"What? I'm in the bloody library, I'm on the top floor!"
"I don't believe you"
*Takes photo of himself in Library to prove where he is*
"Well.. You could have just ran there really quickly"
Like.. DaFuq?! I'm not Usain Bolt, Chloe!
ANYWAY.. Back on track. So between May and June we are in a rocky place, quite frankly I don't want to be with her anymore but I couldn't break up with her because every time I did she just started crying and going crazy. I'm stuck.
I go home for the summer and we are still together.. It must have lasted a good two weeks before I had enough. She phoned me up and started talking about our plans for Christmas.. CHRISTMAS.. IN JUNE! She started saying that she didn't want us to be apart for Christmas and that I had to choose her over my family for either this year or the following (She was legit talking about the following years Christmas as well!). I just had enough, I was like.. Naaa.. Im spending every Christmas with my family..
So she broke up with me.. and I was like.. Fuck Yeah!.. for 5 minutes before she rang me back saying she didn't mean it. But this was perfect, I now had the power to say "actually, I don't want to get back together"
Many weeks of crying and text's and phone calls.. blah blah blah, Classic break up stuff. Probably Ben and Jerry's.. The usual.
Then one day I get a phone call from her Mum and Dad (Jeff). They start having a go at me down the phone, saying that I planned to break up with her when I was back at home because I was a coward. I mean, they raise some great points, it was definitely easier.. Mainly because it was impossible to do it to her face because she wouldn't accept it.
They then start banging on about the holiday, which at this point I had completely forgot about. They tell me that I am going to be paying for my space and that the bill will be coming through my door. I'm like, naa, you're alright Jeffy, you know I didn't have that money and you offered to pay. I hang up.
Scene.
About a month later I get an E-mail. All very formal, from Mr. Buckerby. He calls the e-mail some bullshit like "Tying lose ends" or something. In it he basically says that Chloe has some of my old stuff and they want to know what I want them to do with it. We had some collective money, What do they want me to do about it. and.. "Oh yeah.. We want £125 from you for your deposit otherwise we are going to take you to court. You told us you'd pay if you didn't go"
I read this and i'm genuinely like... Wut? £125? I mean, it's not a lot of money in the grand scheme of things, I could probably afford that, I'll take a wonga loan out. It will be fine.
But that wasn't the point. The point was that my Ex's dad is now trying to scrounge money I don't owe him out of me, a university student. He started saying that I had made a verbal contract with them when this just wasn't the case.
So I E-mail back saying this statement but in a much more polite and well rounded way "Burn my shit, Keep the money, Take me to court"
He's not happy with my response so E-mails back saying that I have a week to pay him his money otherwise the court process will start. I just call his bluff and say, yeah okay Jeff mate, do so.
I get regular E-mails that week updating me on how long I have left. Like I didn't know how long a week is.
And that was it.. I didn't hear anything more. I had won.
Fast forward to March 2014. I'm at university again, New house, New girlfriend. Things are going pretty swimmingly for Ross. I hadn't bumped into Chloe since being back at University either which was nice and I was genuinely just happier than I ever was during my first year. I wake up one morning and go downstairs and there is a letter waiting for me, It's bloody court papers.
Mr. Jefff Buckerby vs Mr. Ross Williams.
Showdown on the 12th June 2014.
Obviously this is not a nice thing to receive, I knew that really this whole court case trial thing was absolute bullshit but it was still a horrible feeling that I was going to have to go to a small claims court room in front of a judge and give my arguments against his.
The following months was like a Rocky training montage but instead of punching big slabs of meat and drinking 5 raw eggs, it was me writing long boring documents about my arguments and researching how binding a verbal contract really is.
12th June comes around and coincidentally it is also the day I leave uni to go back home for the summer, My parents come up, our family friend who had helped me with my defense had come up and I also had the support of my then current girlfriend. All of which had helped me stay positive throughout a really nasty time.
So I'm ready for a fight, I'm waiting outside in the foyer, looking out for Jeff or Chloe or any of the Buckerby's that might come to support their argument. My name gets called and I go in. There's two tables, one to the left, one to the right and in front their is an elevated table with a judge behind.
I say hello to the judge and sit down in my place. He greets me and then let's me know that Jeff isn't coming as he's at work.
Like, C'mon. I was looking forward to this, If you're going to take me to court for a completely ridiculous reason then I at least want to see the look on your face as you lose Jeff mate.
Anyway, the judge reads through Jeff's written arguments and then asks me to go through mine. He's like, Yeah this is pretty fucking ridiculous and a bit of a waste of every bodies time. You clearly made no agreement with them to pay and breaking up with his daughter isn't a good enough reason to take you to court, it's life. They'll get over it.
So the battle was won, obviously.
I haven't heard from any of the Buckerby's since, which is nice.
But ya know, Chloe, if you ever happen to read this. We had some good times, you bought me Nerf guns for Christmas once and I still use them, so you weren't a total waste of my time.
In all seriousness, I have no hard feelings towards her. I think she's got a new boyfriend now and I wish them all the happiness in the world.
Bitch.
Thanks for reading, bit of a long one this but I'm sure you can understand and I hope my misfortune makes for a funny read. It may at least cheer you up to know that no matter how hard your heart is broken by somebody, their dad probably won't take you to court over £125.
Swings and roundabouts.
Later.
